A MONTH AFTER…

I has been a month now since my fiance went back to his homeland after spending his holidays with me…and I’m now back in my homeland…which is really crappy…

I have been brooding ever since he left…I have not been up to do anything at all…I’ve got that sickening feeling of being ALONE again.

We didn’t expect that it would take this long for the paperwork to get through…we both held on hoping that it would only take a couple of weeks somehow, considering that we had every document the embassy asked for.

I have been experiencing sleepless-ness…night after night after night. I lost weight drastically.

All I can do is think about the times we spent together…and how hard I really wish that we could be together again.

I have built my world around him…and it’s so devastating not having him near me…

LAVANDULA ANGUSTIFOLIA – My Lavender Freakiness

I have always been fascinated by the color purple/violet…

It is a color of royalty. It is a mysterious color, associated with both nobility and spirituality. It embodies the balance of red simulation and blue calm. It is a color favored by most artists. It is the color of the day Thursday. It is the color of good judgment. It is the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment. It is said if you surround yourself with purple/violet, you will have peace of mind. It is a good color to use in meditation. It has been used to symbolize magic and mystery. Being the combination of red and blue, the warmest and coolest colors, purple is believed to be the ideal color. Most children love the color purple. It is the color of purpose.

Until now, I always go for the said color…if ever I have to choose between the whole wheel of hues, I will spontaneously go for the color PURPLE!

My fiance was freaked out by this fascination of mine. But he loves me so much that he lets me indulge in this mania…the funny thing is, he is beginning to appreciate it, not only the color but the scent brought about by my favorite flower–Lavandula Angustifolia–in laymen’s term, the LAVENDER…want some proof of this madness??? Scroll down…

air freshener

We have two of these–one in the toilet and one in the bedroom–which actually gives a very fresh scent. It is incorporated in an automatic dispenser which gives a burst of LAVENDER fragrance every nine minutes.

bath salts

We got this from last Easter Show. We used it once and of all the baths I’ve taken, this one actually lulled me to sleep…in the tub! It was manufactured by Lavender House, a Tasmanian company specialising in making quality lavender products with essential oils and plant extracts. The bath salts, they say, is supposed to refresh the body and relieve minor skin irritations, muscular pains and joint stiffness. It softens the water and is mildly astringent. It is best for oily skin and would be most effective if followed with a body oil after towelling dry.

body wash

The first proof that made my fiance raise his eyebrows…got this Johnson’s body wash the first day we went to the shops (grocery). Since we usually take our showers before we go to bed, I opted for this because sleep time is the ideal time for the body to renew and regenerate from within. The rich velvety soft formula, with a nourishing extract, enhances the skin’s natural renewal process while you sleep so you awaken to more beautiful, soft skin…Geez! Hand me the Lily scrub now!!!

toilet paper

This is a really cool product…it has a delicate lavender scent and print to help freshen the toilet. And for a lasting aroma, it is scented on the core–not the paper. Eversince we got these, we don’t go for anything else. Once we couldn’t find them (out of stock, probably) I was really disappointed (and upset!). Next time we went to the shops and finally got it, my fiance made a joke on how IT would now be smiling at me everytime I go to the bloody loo…wink,wink!

fabric softener

If it works on the skin, it would work on clothes…for sure! The best-scented fabric softener…ever!

bleach

Oooh…nothing to compliment Lavender smelling clothes…whites and all!

carpet and room deodoriser

This product works hand-in-hand with the air freshener. It’s smells real yum…when we sprinkle it on the bedroom carpet, it gives off the scent all over the house.

spray and wipe

This is a multi-purpose spray thingy…and smells really good–has that squeaky-clean scent! It has anti-bacterial components so there’s no need for rinsing it out. We use it to clean almost everything…the kitchen bench, the hot plates, the bath tub, the bathroom and toilet sinks…everything, anything!

toilet cleaner

Need I say something about this???

With all these products out in the market, I wonder if they’ll come out with more Lavender-scented thing-a-majiggys…like furniture polish–or something edible, like Lavender-flavored ice cream. A Lavender Cake, maybe???

I’m still waiting for the scented candles we ordered…of course, Essence of Lavender candles…and how relaxing and calming…and sensual it would be when we dip in a Lavender candle-lit bath, with Lavender bath salts, and waiting towels softened with Lavender fabric softener…

Am I a freak???

Lavandula Angustifolia

AUTUMN…

I got my first taste of one of the four seasons…yep! It’s autumn here now…and it’s literally giving me “cold feet”…

Watching all about the Four Seasons on the box while growing up made me wonder how it would be to experience it, for just even once in my lifetime. Coming from the Asian race, the weather conditions I knew of were just Dry and Wet – dry, being the hot summers and wet, being the numerous typhoons I’ve got used to in my 35 years. Like any other Asians, I have often wondered if the leaves really fell in autumn or if snow really fell out of the sky…

And…taa-daa! Here comes AUTUMN…

The outdoor temperature has dropped dramatically in the last three weeks…from a blazing 40 degrees (tops) to a low of 25 degrees (tops). Some mornings, it gets really foggy. Even though the sun shines during the day, it can’t give off the warmth it usually does. My current fashion statement is track pants (which I borrow from my fiance), long-sleeved shirts (or if not, a jumper, aka a sweater with normal shirts), and socks (which I wear with my good, ol’ croc slip-ons). For the past few days, there has never been a moment that my body temperature has been in its normal range. My fiance laughs his head off, and says I need more blood in me…

The grass has grown greener, but in surprise…I haven’t seen leaves falling off the trees yet…

Is it a real occurence?

That is something I would love to find out in the coming days…soon.

NATIONS UNITED – MARDI GRAS 2009

do you see the two gayies making out?

Last Saturday, 7th March, was the international celebration of the Mardi Gras Festival – with the theme “Nations United”.

I wanted so much to see the parade, and so my fiance and I took another train ride up to the city. But the funny thing was, we were late…and so we only got to see the last 3 of the floats…COWGAYS & COWLESBIES, GOLDEN GURLS, and GLOBAL VILLAGE PEOPLE…since we didn’t bring a proper cam for this trip ( although HE asked me if we needed to bring one, and I told him we can’t be bothered), we settled on taking photos with our phone cams…DRATS! The photos came out either too dark or too bright…DA$^&!

The city was packed that night…different folks with different strokes have come from all over to bear witness to this festive ocassion. We noticed that there was a fair number of TWEENS at Hyde Park that night…some came in party dresses, some in costumes (devils-complete with horns and tails, playboy bunnies, cancan dancers-complete with enormous head dresses, really short dresses and shorts that did no good in covering their bums…) but mostly these young people came TANKED and HIGH…

The police were on guard at almost every corner of the park…bomb and riot squads were on patrol…even a copper chopper was hovering overhead…and through all these, we wondered if parents know where their kids were and what they were up to.

We strolled along the park and got into the thick of it all…where kids as young as 15 were kissing and making out…I find nothing wrong with public displays of affection…as long as it’s done in a level-headed disposition…the crowd was overly noisy…inconsiderate too, coz I kept being bumped into…bottles of liquor and cans of beer were scattered on the grass…it was getting a bit annoying, so we agreed to sit under a tree by a main road, and watched until the crowd thinned out.

I have no qualms being in a crowd, but with THIS kind of crowd, I would have done better just being home and watching Will & Grace on the box…LOL!!! Seriously, seeing all those young people gone astray, had made me thinking where the world of good morals and right conduct was heading to? Some would say that I’m being a spoil-sport slash party-pooper…but, don’t you think that the world needs a little more prudence and respect nowadays?

I want to make it clear that I don’t find anything wrong with the Mardi Gras celebration, per se…I have deep understanding on the emotional and psychological side of gayies and lesbies…what I’m saying here is how I find teenagers of today so wild and disappointing.

I’ve been lucky to be brought up by parents who taught me what was right from wrong…and I’ve learned a few lessons in life quite well on my own…not to mention growing up in a catholic school (JUSKU!). And so, I find it morally damaging for these kids to engage in such activities way too early in their life…

To sum it up…I enjoyed watching the parade, strolling along the park hand in hand with my fiance, give my respects to gayies and lesbies…but hated the skanks and sluts I chanced upon that night…

HAIL to the MARDI GRAS 2009 participants

NAME GAME TAG…

Whoah!!!

I’m finally getting to enjoy this blogging thing… I thought it’s just gonna be an avenue where I can express my deepest thoughts and innermost emotions…ngayon, may tag-tag-an na…

‘Nyways, I was tagged by very good friend WINKAI…so I will have to do this…(habang nakasalang ang labahin ko…DH talaga lolah mo!)

LILYBETH

– my given name…at tulad ng marami…biktima ako ng groggy-groggyhang nanay…na wala lang…she didn’t even know where that came from!!! I’ve always thought it as ‘unkewl’…but now, inde na…kasi when my fiance introduced me to everybody here, he uses LILYBETH coz he thinks it has a classic sound to it. He says it’s not a common name here…so….

LOT, LOTLOT

– all my childhood playmates, uncles, aunts, cousins, nanas, pops, primary school classmates, high school classmates, and closest university batchmates call me this…wala naman siguro itong konek kay LotLot de Leon…(aray!)

BALOT

– derived from the ever mundane nickname I had…used by my playmates when inis sila sa kin…pag nandaya na ko sa patintero, chinese garter or tumbang-preso…used by my cousins pag tamang pa-syolbugan kami at medyo nakakaungos ako sa kanila…eventually, it has been used on me by the ever loyal, closest, and dearest friends…those who know all (as in, everything) about me, including my darkest secrets…bwahahaha!!! (alam nyo kung sino-sino kayo!)

YVETTE

– some time in my life, there was an event when I had to come up with a totyal-sounding nick…winkai, alam mo kung ano ito, nun MMM days ko baga…and then, I have become a part of the “alta sosyedad” so this nick stuck with me for 10 painful years…(basta, painful sha…). My friends and I have always known that THAT nick was very much not me…and so, when I got out of that situation, I came back to LOT, BALOT…which is the real me…

BABY

– yes, winkai…my fiance calls me this, too…what’s with them forei@#$%, I don’t know…you will see some similarities…

GORGEOUS, BEAUTIFUL

– this is how my fiance addresses me when he sends me sms all through out the day…

So there…

THIS SONG’S DEDICATED TO YOU…

I have been brought up in a culture where couples who got together share and have this special song dedicated to each other…

And presently, I am having a dilemma on choosing the perfect song for my fiance…

Some songs that I considered are as follows:

• The First Time I Loved Forever — Melanie Safka
• Thanks To You — Vanessa Williams
• Can You Read My Mind — Maureen McGovern
• I’ve Fallen For You — Jamie Rivera
• Always — Atlantic Starr
• A Moment Like This — Leona Lewis
• Always Be My Baby — David Cook
• To Be With You — Mr Big
• This Time I Know It’s For Real — The Divas
• Stolen — Twilight Soundtrack

It’s giving me a headache, you know…my fiance being a romantic guy…

And so, if you have some suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment.

And thanks for dropping by…

HAPPY…THEN SAD…

Guess not everything really comes served on a silver (or golden) platter…

After the ecstasy of getting engaged to the most wonderful person on the face of the earth, some realizations came across…

And the one that made the most impact on my being is: my parents’ absence…

My dad died in 1988, he was a police officer…he was shot by another police (patola) who bore him a stupid grudge…yep, shot on the head, bullet went in his right temple and out through the left side of his neck…I was 14 then…

My mom died in 2000, she was a primary school teacher…she had angina pectoris (a heart disease), and eventually died of cardiac arrest (heart attack)…

What’s killing me is this: If my dad were alive now, he would have worn that proud smile that his “daddy’s girl” has finally found the man who would take care of her and love her, as unconditional as he would…If my mom were alive now, she would have cried with me on my engagement day…

…all I can do now,with reality chucked at me directly in my face, is imagine that my dad and mom are holding hands now, looking at me and my fiance, with proud smiles and loving eyes…

…and I shall never be that “normal” bride, with a MOTHER fussing over a daughter on her wedding day…making sure that everything is in its perfect place…yakking endlessly every second, telling her daughter that she is the most beautiful girl in the world wearing that WHITE dress…while straightening a crease that is never even there…

…and I shall never be that “normal” bride, with a FATHER who would walk his daughter down the aisle…his loneliness of finally letting go of his little girl masked by this big smile on his face, trying hard not to break down in tears, trying hard to look the “toughie” that his daughter has always known him to be…but in fact, he is almost dying to take his daughter in his arms and dance with her like they used to when she was still a child, cradle her in his always warm embrace without a thought of ever breaking free…

I am happy…so happy that it hurts…for I am alone…

I told all of these to my fiance…one night that we were on the front steps…and he made me feel better…just by wiping my tears with his thumb…

…and then telling me how much he loves me…and opening my eyes to the reality that from the day we fell in love…I have never been alone…any more…

THERE’S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME

Now, here’s one thing I didn’t expect…

Remember me telling you about my engagement yesterday…and I thought it was special…only to find out that for my future hubby…it was his first time to make a marriage proposal, as well…how KEWL is that?!!! And that, I think, makes our engagement a hundred-fold special.

And we had this sweet talk after dinner, with the lounge room lights all dimmed out…(ka-kilig!) I was telling him about the chat I had with my friends online, earlier in the day…I told him I had a fun time going from one window to another, because my closest friends have somewhat awaken early and were unusually online at the same time…all asking me about the details of the engagement…he asked what my “gurls” thought about it all…well, what can I say??? Everybody seemed happy for me…(that’s the way I want to look at it..hehehe!) Then he comes out with a shocking revelation…all the while that I thought he knew what he was actually doing when he proposed to me…all the while…and yet, now I know that he was literally more nervous than I was…

He didn’t propose to his ex-wife…he didn’t want to marry his ex-gf (the one before me)…and now this!!!

He went through this special engagement thing…for me…only for me.

And so, everytime I look at THE RING on my finger, I look at it with all tenderness…that almost brings tears to my eyes…because it’s not its physical form that takes my breath away…it’s the senti value…the love, passion, and need…that my fiance enclosed it with. He goes “now I can sing the song ‘she wears my ring’…” (nope,don’t ask me…i never heard of that song myself,either!)

And while I was looking lovingly into his (bluish,grayish,greenish,brownish) eyes…I go “I’m yours…” which he replied with “You’re mine…”

01 MARCH 2009

The 1st of March, of the year 2009…

I can never forget the date…

The most exciting, sweetest, most real, loveliest and most memorable “thing” happened in my life.

The ENGAGEMENT is official…I got engaged with the most wonderful person in the whole world…

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting it to happen just then…but I had hopes!!!

Let me describe the event as best as I can…

The kids were down with us in the weekend so they are so much a part of the occasion. We woke up at 10am, on the first day of the month of March in the year 2009…HE went out with his daughter to take the dog to the vet. Upon getting home, we went out to our favorite pizza place to grab some take away lunch. HE told us to get ready to go out after lunch…I had no idea where we were going, but we were contemplating on going to the city. So there we were, driving along…HE was taking us to a place which is unfamiliar to me. I was sure I haven’t been along that road before…then I saw the road sign…GRANVILLE…remembered that this is the suburb where HE was born, where HE grew up…HMMMM!!!

We went to this park –AUBURN BOTANICAL GARDENS…upon entering, my attention was caught by this massive pond, with a white swan, and a lot of Japanese Koi fishes…we had some photos taken by the pond. HE led me to this waterfall  thingy…the kids were like, standing in front of us (which is VERY unusual, coz they usually run around when we go to parks and places).

Suddenly, HE whispered to me…told me that HE had something to ask from me…and…HE got down on his knees…asked me if I would marry him…and placed a ring in my hand…yeah, I was surprised but wondering why HE didn’t put the ring on my finger himself…I gave him a real big hug and said “YES, OF COURSE…I WILL MARRY YOU!”…then asked him to get up on his feet…

Then HE asked me what I thought of the ring in my hand…you see, I was still holding it…not wearing it…I told him it’s alright…it doesn’t really matter coz even before HE proposed, I already was sure that I wanted to spend my lifetime with him…then, HE reached into his pocket, brought out a really nice wooden box,polished to perfection…and said: “Well, this is the real thing…” , HE opened the box to show me “THE RING” inside…HE took it from the box, slipped it on my left ring finger…and then…I WAS SPEECHLESS… overcome by the deepest emotion a woman can feel…as if everything around me just disappeared, all I can see was the man in front me, I wasn’t aware that I had my eyes and mouth wide open…yup, these things happen! (and I thought it was only possible in movies and dreams)…I was close to tears but I held it back (didn’t want to ruin my makeup…LOL). I gave him a real tight,close cuddle…it was quite awkward with the kids cheering before of us…so…. I decided to say something funny like, “Can I have a tour of this place now???” They all laughed at that…and we started walking…all the kids could talk about was the next THING to happen…they were coming up with suggestions on how we can do IT and where to have IT! My mind has actually drawn a blank…coz inside, I was still rejoicing!

And…that marks the day, when HE proposed…gave his token of love…which is the first step in committing his whole life…heart and soul to ME…

And how do I really feel about all these???

I AM THE LUCKIEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY IN THE WORLD…

No one can take this away from me…

And the fake ring sits in the special box…”THE RING” is on my finger…would never leave,will always be there…for as long as I live…

 

IN MEMORY OF…

DR BERMINDA ALEJANDRO

I did a good deed yesterday (20th Feb 2009)…

I made this online memorial for a dear friend, MS BERMINDA ALEJANDRO, a friend from high school…she was a doctor, doing really well in her chosen calling…when suddenly she died due to a car crash…so sad, so tragic…of the five people in the car, she was the only casuality.

And this is where I came to think about life…all the glory of being alive. Death is inevitable…and so, life should be lived to its fullest. And once dead, we can never go back to seeing the sun, gazing at the stars, play with the bees, smell the trees after a shower, walk barefooted on the beach…all the wonderful things we could do on earth…

So I promised myself that I will take everything life has to offer…and I will give everything that MY life has to offer…especially to this one person who has changed MY very existence…inside and out.